Decisions have to be made (Concluded)

[Shikon]

Shikon paced. Why could the Beast not see things clearly? Why did she have to be so conflicted? She looked at her. She felt her ire rise again, so she paced some more. To see the Beast in pain, did not bother her, except when it was this sort of pain. Physical pain will always be a tool, but emotional pain, this could eat at ones soul. And it appeared to be doing this to her Beast.

She moved to finally take a seat beside her Beast. She clasped her hands in her lap. She counted to 5, to help even her words out. Shikon was upset, but not with Mav. She was upset that Mav was upset. The last thing she wanted was Mav to think she was angry with her.

“He does not take you by his side to events. He does not introduce you to his friends. He gets angry when you broach this subject with him.” She paused. “These are not the actions of a committed partner. You love him. I know this. But he is not fulfilling his role. He has failed.”

Shikon takes Mav’s hand into hers. Her voice strains as she admits grudgingly “I like him. But this not change the facts.” Her language begins to revert to her broken English as she gets emotional. “He no want to be with you. He no can satisfy you. He no take you places. You are his shame he hide in a closet.”

Shikon takes hold of Mav’s chin and turns her to face so that she can look intently into Mav’s eyes. “You are no ones shame. He not allowed to hide you away. Sartori not have treated you this way. He would see his childe do right.” She sighed “Sartori is gone. His childe now off some where, hiding his wife like he has none. You sever this one.”

[MavericksChild]

Every word that Shikon said, burned deep into her soul. She knew it was true, or at least to an extent. But she loved him. Loved him more than she had loved Smilner. More than Madeye. Even more than the long forgotten AmadisdeGaula. Andre Louvain had some how taken over her thoughts, her heart and her body. How had this happened? She wondered this every night as she longed for him.

It was somewhat of a curse as well as a blessing. It all depended on which night you caught her. Mav avoided Shikon’s eyes. Those eyes that could slice into her very core and rip her heart out mercilessly. If only Shi would just do it. The pain would subside then. But when Shikon gently grasped her chin, Mav didn’t fight in the least bit. Her dark almond shaped eyes gazed at the tell tale Japanese slants of Shikon and she fought to hold back the tears.

“ I can’t. I just can’t. I love him too much. I would die completely.” Mav’s voice shook as she spoke the words. Her heart wrenched just to think of severing.

[Shikon]

“Bah. Die? You dead already. You shadow of youself. You list..list...” she stops abruptly the words not coming clearly. She forces herself to calm down again. She let go of Mav’s face. She templed her hands together in front of her face, as she thought.

“Your spark is gone. Your imp is dead. There not been dead body left in the kitchen in over a month.” She gestured roundly. “This not my Beast. Victor whistles. Whistles!” She looked appalled. “My Beast terrorizes Victor. Make Victor whine and cry about leaving us. But now Victor whistles.. my beast do not care.”

She stands up and begins pacing again. “You so miserable. You want to cry, you hold it back. It can be fixed. You sever him. You sever him now!”

Shikon can see the look on Mav’s face, it wore a look of pain and denial. She sent a telepathic thought to Heimdag while she paced. ~I need you do something.. If I do it she hate me~

Heimdag replied telepathically ~Okay…?~

~You drag Beast to severance hall. You not let her say no~

~There is a problem?~

~Yes.. he make her miserable! She almost cry he so mean. He not touch her. He not be close. She starts to talk to him – he leave. This not good. He just her friend. He go to wedding, he not even take her! He go to see a binding.. he think ‘oh maybe I take my wife with me’. No He go then tells her how women all want him. You drag her to sever hall. You do this for me.~

Shikon stopped pacing. “I know. You love him. You can still love him, you not have to be bound to him to love him. You sever him.. then you get your imp back.”

[MavericksChild]

Mav began to shake her head in negation. No, she couldn’t love him if he wasn’t hers. Her heart would break, she would curl up and turn to a black shriveled thing. Her brow furrowed as the image of Legion kissing another woman flitted through her mind. She knew that he would find someone instantly and she would be forgotten. Mav could feel her instant reaction to it. Recoil from life, the city, from everyone. She had only had this reaction to one other; Madeye, and Shikon had hated him for it. Mav herself didn’t see it happening, but she lost herself in him. In the fights. In the love. When she felt wounded, she became quiet and distraught.

“ Mother, please don’t make me do this. You forced us to marry and now I love him. If I didn’t before, I do now with everything!” Her shaky voice got the better of her and tears began to flow down her tanned cheeks. She knew that if Shikon pressed, she would be forced to the Hall. And if Shikon recruited “help” like she had for the binding, Mav would lose Legion forever. “ You did this. You are the reason that I am dying inside.” it was a feeble attempt to divert, but it seemed the route to go. “ You make it better, without me having to sever!" Mav wept. For Legion, for herself and for her mother who really did love her, despite what she said.

A small voice began to serenade in the back of her mind. And moment by moment, it became just a little louder. The louder it got, the more the singing sounded of roaring. Tortured screams begging for release. She had been holding in her emotion for months. Bottled because she didn’t want him to think her demanding.. Needy. Every so often, she had slipped and told a part of her feelings to him. It always resulted in them fighting.

Yes, at times she felt wounded. She cried herself to sleep some mornings when he was no where to be found. But there were those times when she felt his love. It was just enough to make her hang on. To allow her love for him to grow even more. Some would call it a dog being thrown a bone. But she clung to it.

“ I know it all sounds very bad. I know. But when he holds me and tells me that he loves me, I forget. I just need to strengthen myself again. I can stay bound to him and not be this way? I can fight the pain. I can get control!” Mav balled her fists loosely and pressed them to her eyes. The tears had to stop, they would only enrage Shikon and Mav knew it.

[Shikon]

“Strengthen yourself.. Bah! You have already lost yourself. You can not strengthen what is gone. You say you can get control. Control of what? You think all the time of him. This is not good. Binding should be partnership. You part, he part.” Her tone chiding.

“But this not how you are. You want all him. So maybe he pull away. So you give more part, he give less. You want more, he pull back. Maybe he wrong, but maybe you wrong too. Rare it is just one side at fault.”

Shikon moves back, to kneel in front of Mav. She lays a hand gently on Mav’s knee. Her tone changes to a soft passive tone. “Heimdag makes me complete. But I know that he has his business. I do not barge in. I wait. He has much business that I know little about. This is good. He is his own person. I have business he does not know. We share. But we do not obsess. We both secure. We trust. I seek his counsel. He seeks mine

“Maybe Legion has business, that you do not know. Maybe there is reason for this. But you can not see this. You too close. You see hurt, where maybe there is none.”

She looks at Mav for a long moment. “But if he not talk to you, it can not be fixed. The more you grab, the more he pull away. He is gone. You are gone. This ‘you’ here now.. you like this? You like this weak, insecure, maudlin creature? No. You appalled. But you have fear. You fear what will become of you when he is gone. Fear is your enemy.

“You think if you still bound to him, you still have him. He just with you in name only. He is gone. He is too weak to sever. He knows he hurts you. He knows your fear. He does not want to destroy you. So he stays at arms length. In name only fine for him. He is safe with you. Why leave? When he wants attention, you are right there. You give him all your attention. He wants to ignore you, he does. You wont sever. He knows this. He can do as he wish. There be no repercussions.”

Shikon rocks back on her heels, “So.. you wont sever.. so take lover instead. Then maybe you see, he not all that you have built him up to be. You take lover. You will find yourself again.”

[MavericksChild]

Mav looked down at her hands. They lay in her lap. It was a stark contrast to the dark blue material of her skirt. Her soft, soft hands. She blinked rapidly as hot tears fell from her cheeks onto her half closed hands. She knew what Shikon said was true. She knew that their marriage was over. Yet still she clung to it.

She wasn't sure why. Loyalty, love, infatuation. Whatever the reason, for her own well being, she would have to let go. Mav was strong of heart. She was even stronger of will. But even she could be broken. Even she could be defeated. And so she felt now as her mother told her to take a lover.

A long, long time ago, her human grandmother had told her " Nothing mends a broken heart, like a new love." Maybe Shi was right. But that didn't mean that she was capable. Her head began to shake side to side in negation. No, she coulnd't take a lover. Scratch that, she could. But she would not.

" Yes mother. " Her voice was a mere whisper.

[Shikon]

So easily Mav acquiesced to her suggestion. Her poor beast had lost her fire. Never would she have thought she would see this day. She had tried to make her angry, it did not work. She tried logic, it did not work. She tried reverse psychology, it backfired.

Before her, sat her MavericksChild, a broken vampire. Broken by her hand. Wordlessly she rose forward, gathered Mav into her arms and held her. Shikon did not know what to do. Anger she could deal with. Hate was simple. But this hurt, this abject misery, left her in doubt and indecision.

Heimdag. He would know what to do. She found a scroll, and while still holding Mav, she succoured to him.

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Concluded